There are two types of people in this world...

Despite my propensity for long-windedness, non-sequiturs, and stories that go nowhere, even I have to admit that less is more: just knowing a few facts about someone can provide you with all the tools you to need to understand them, and while there will always be exceptions to these rules, this handy-dandy guide may just make life a little easier for you...

Being a culture riddled with dichotomies, it's easy to see them exploited at our expense, from what we're eating to who we're "voting" for (don't get me started). If you think marketing has a presence everywhere, you're right. I often fantasize about having  access to a life that's unplugged; there's something refreshing about going back to the days where my free time wasn't the battleground for digital attention that it is today...and yet I love it all! Having entertainment literally at our hands has made life really enjoyable, which can be a challenge for Type-A people.

People Who Fill At 1/4 Tank vs. People Who Ruin Their Cars

Like most of Generation-X, I'll probably spend the rest of my life wishing it were the '90s again, only with current internet speeds, driving apps, and free online shipping. It was a binary time then, mixing dot-com optimism with marketable cynicism (depression didn't feel so bad when it wore a cardigan sweater). In addition to the revolutionary Prozac and Powerbooks, there were significant changes in transportation technology that allowed us to drive our cars below 1/4 tank without causing it to blow up like a Pontiac Fiero, giving Type B's cause to gloat over Type A's. You see, for years driving below a 1/4 tank wasn't recommended; sucking too much sediment or air could cause regrettable damage, and by the time I started driving in the '90s this mantra was repeated ad nauseam.

My pre-commute calisthenics before taking the 101 to work.

My pre-commute calisthenics before taking the 101 to work.

...unless you're Type A. No matter how much people tell me the 1/4 tank rule isn't that big of a deal, I still break out into a cold sweat any time I break it. Here's a few other examples of binary quirks and neuroses:

  • Paying bills on time vs. waiting until a final notice
  • Grabbing the extra toothpaste vs. having to cut open the old one and rub your toothbrush in it
  • Having a back-up deodorant vs. using the tiny sliver that broke off after you dropped on the carpet
  • Buying a plethora of toilet paper at Costco vs. using up every paper product in the house before caving and buying a single roll at the bodega 

Now, many "final-notice-no-t.p." types often point out that if the end result is the same, why judge the journey? The lights will stay on if you pay the bill a little late, it doesn't matter how much t.p. you have as long as there's one on the roll, and what's the difference between completing a project at 11am versus 3pm, as long as it's all done by 5pm? These are all good points, and I'll bet that it has something to do with how we accept and handle stress. Type-B's will tell me they thrive under the gun, while us Type-A's attempt to control the stress around us by managing the time differently. It's enough to drive you nuts. How my girlfriend puts up with me, I don't know. 

Cake People vs. Pie People

The battle for dessert supremacy continues...just ask  Adam Carolla . 

The battle for dessert supremacy continues...just ask Adam Carolla

Kiera and I are very different people but have much in common. We both enjoy photography, gardening, live music, movies, cooking with friends...but when it comes to dessert, the end of our meal proves to be the beginning of a war—Kiera is a pie person. Me? I'm a cake person, and after much soul-searching I think I discovered the reason why: I love chocolate, and when you're being served pie for dessert you can pretty much guarantee it's going to be fruit-based.

Now I didn't say I didn't like fruit; it's nature's candy, full of necessary sugars, fiber, and phytochemicals, and with cocoa beans only growing in equatorial climates, I can see how fruit-based pastry desserts remained dominant. But dammit, if it's not chocolate it's not dessert, a sentiment Kiera's 5-year-old son shares me with. I'm not sure what it says about me having a dessert palate identical to little Hudson's, but the cat is outta the bag now. 

Even serving the pie à la mode doesn't redeem it, because take a wild guess what kind of ice cream is always used? Vanilla. That's right, even chocolate ice cream can't cross the border into Pie Country. Before you point out that vanilla ice cream is also used on cake à la mode, understand that with cake, the opportunities for chocolate increase tenfold: the cake base itself, add-ons, icing...it's never ending! Chocolate chips, chocolate sauce, chocolate ganache...a scoop of vanilla ice cream merely acts as a vessel for more chocolate.

Right about now is when a well-meaning pie person tries to convert me: "Don't you like chocolate cream pie?" Well yeah, but very rarely are you served chocolate cream pie, a confection no pie enthusiasts cite as their favorite. In fact, there's some talk on the playground that chocolate cream pie isn't pie at all, just a blob of pudding sitting in a pie crust. With those odds I'm pretty much left cake-less in a pie dominant world.

And if you like both? Then all I have to say is bon appetit!

Cyndi vs. Madonna

Just another example of divisive manipulation for profit. 

Just another example of divisive manipulation for profit. 

This was a trick!! There was no rivalry, only the usual tabloid bullshit inventing female competition to sell headlines.

Psst, hey there, been a while! I hope you had a happy and healthy 2016, despite Facebook telling us otherwise. There is much transformation and growth to be had in 2017; let's focus on co-creating a world that encourages and nurtures our talents and strengths. Anything else is just a waste of time.

 

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